LOOPHOLE.
since the past few days, i've been stuck with a cycle that i'd like to call the loophole. this loophole consists of me manipulating myself to do better once i wake up in the morning; this loophole also consists of me delaying an effort of productivity to laze around at night; and this loophole is basically me fooling around with my time and energy.
but i think i have had enough. when you cannot figure out if you're a night owl or a morning cuckoo, this is exactly where you land. a place where you think sleeping and waking up will give you a whole new creative energy. but, excuse me, what delusion am i living in? i convince myself to go to leisure at night, hoping i will wake up early, but then it gets late, and since i'm not excited enough to look forward to the day (maybe excited is the wrong word; let me correct that with the fact that i'm overwhelmed with so much on my plate that i know i have to do, consume, and create), i give myself the freeway to spend a little more time and a little more time doing nothing until guilt creeps in, and wohoo, the mind is already set to give up.
but hey, it's not like i'm sad, not working, or going complete MIA. i just felt the need to express it and overcome it. and so, this morning, i decided to let this emotion out with an artwork that i made. and because i can't decide between the variations, let me take you through the creative process of it.
disappointment never looked so fresh. but that's the irony. these days, i've noticed myself focusing on intricate thoughts with close attention. these thoughts consume so much of my energy internally and bring me to a rather rare state of emotion—the kind that makes you feel guilty with all the procrastination happening but also pushes you to create and prioritize your thoughts. conversely, it also steals you away from conversations and the daily business of life because now you prefer isolation.
(i'm lowkey very proud of this creation. i'm not a designer, but working in the field of advertising makes you develop an instinct for good aesthetics, so we sometimes play around in photoshop)
coming back to the creative process, when i was almost done fixating on the artwork you saw above, i somehow got reminded of the folklore album cover by Taylor Swift and that's when i rang my friend amogh to learn how to turn an image into b&w on photoshop.
and here are the raw images that this creation consists of (scrolling through my gallery was like breathing inspiration this morning ngl):
now that the word it out, i'm going to find a midground that helps me be on my toes while also not letting the creative flow die. got any recommendations? please let me know.
and because we like being vulnerable here, i want to acknowledge this fact that no matter what i create, i'm always scared to show it to the world and at times, this fear pulls me away from creating things. it also makes me self-doubt to an extreme that i seek for opinions at times. and only, to stop that here we are with this blog, being as intimidate as possible. just for me-my four to five people and for them who discover it organically.
and after all that's happening, an instagram post popped on my feed, and i was legit in awe. how does the internet know me so well?? probably that's something to discuss some other time. take a look.
to end this, i'm attaching a youtube link that my friend shreyash shared with me to be high on thoughts and keep creating.
